Parasol just recorded a new LP this past couple of weekends.
I have been thinking so much, right?
Like about everything. All these big changes and disruptions and watching my friends crumble under them, or grow big despite them. Finding happiness, a silver lining, or just breaking apart. Trying to hold it together or at least look like they are.
I have been thinking a lot about how we present ourselves to others. How we want people to see us as we ourselves want to be. Patient, kind, listening, reliable, happy, motivated, social.
Really, we are all just barely holding it together. Living in the moments between and saying “I am ok” to ourselves and each other. Why don’t we all just come with a warning label already?
I have been thinking a lot about how much I love and ache for love, and worry and cry for other people constantly. That I do this because I have been socialized to be this way. To worry and care, not about myself, but about and for others. I am to driven to want them to know I am there and can be there. I want to connect and let them know they are amazing and wish they saw that, and am beside myself when that isn’t working. Why is my love not enough? (working on my shit)
More than anything I want them to know that they are not weak for barely holding on. For running away when things change or get remotely difficult.
I want them to remember that we live in a world that fucks us up before we even take our first breath. That we can’t get help from the systems that are supposed to help us, and that we are taught not to rely on each other. We are socialized to wall up and not be vulnerable. We are not allowed to be open about what we are struggling with or talk about the shit we carry around with us every day. We are a burden to all and to ourselves. How do we carry that weight?
Present the self as you wish to be seen.
This song is all that.